Post by InuYasha on Nov 4, 2005 19:28:05 GMT -5
1. If you spot an enemy before he sees you, chances are you will die.
2. The probability of killing some one is inversely proportional to how much you want to kill him.
3. For every good thing done, some thing bad happens.
4. If you see a bunch of easy targets in front of you, you will miss all of them and die.
5. You have a better chance of throwing a handfull of sniper rifle bullets and killing the enemy than shooting them at him and killing him.
6. For every one enemy you kill with mines, you'll kill two friendlies and they'll both punish for the team kill.
7. Idiots have a unique pheromone receptor which can sense a friendly artillery strike. Once initiated, they'll run to the center of the strike like moths to a flame, thrust their noses in to the air and place their finger on the "Page Down" button ready for the climax!
8. Thou shalt always respawn in to an artillery strike or a massive unfriendly assault and die before you can do any thing.
9. A dune buggy slowly slipping down a gentle slope is the most brutal and deadly thing in the game if you're standing in its path.
10. When fleeing from an enemy, you'll be shot to death just inches from cover.
11. When you're a gunner in an attack helicopter, chances are you'll get the worst pilot you can think of.
12. When you have no money, chances are your joystick will go funny.
13. If some one with an AK-101 happens to glance at you, you will instantly die of fear.
14. No matter what weapon you carry, it'll take over half a magazine to attempt to kill the guy that took you out with a three round burst or less.
15. Holding down the right mouse button when throwing a Grenade changes the throw length from feet to inches.
16. Even with the dexterity to balance the blade of his knife on his finger, a soldier will constantly miss when lunging to stab a stationary enemy.
17. Some how, a man can take a .50 caliber sniper round to the chest WITH OUT DYING.
18. Your Pistol is a much better sniper rifle than your .50 cal' rifle.
19. A crescent wrench can fix any thing.
20. You can raise a flag in a tank.
21. Seconds before you get your hard earned "Flag-Capture" point, an enemy will pop-up and kill you, giving the "Capture" point to your team-mate.
22. After shooting an enemy tank to low armor with your APC, your gun will over heat and a team-mate will grab the kill leaving you with not even a "Kill-Assist".
23. You will never be able to swim away fast enough from an accidentally drowned jeep.
24. Claymores will only kill foolish team-mates.
25. If you want an enemy to abandon an armored vehicle, run at it from the rear and let them see you doing it, they'll jump out.
26. No matter what, dephibulators cure ALL!
27. The pinnacle of aviation technology can't help a bomb hit it's target.
28. All vehicles have electrical armor plating, as when you touch it, you're dead.
29. The more you press the "9" key to deploy your parachute, the less likely it will deploy.
30. You spawn right next to an enemy tank.
31. If you want to be a sniper, you should choose the "Anti-Tank" class.
32. Just as you detonate the C4 on the UAV trailer, two or three team-mates will drive up right next to the detonation site.
33. Now matter how much you shoot a guy parachuting down, he'll never take any damage. And, when he gets down, you're out of ammo and he kills you.
34. You're kill right after a ten minute run to an enemy flag, right before you reach it.
35. Water is extremely flammable and will cause vehicles to explode.
36. If you're in a squad and all of you run in to a single enemy, YOU will die first.
37. A man with a handful of wheat will hit the enemy more with the M229 SAW.
38. Spawning is more like a race to the attack chopper or Jets.
39. A tank that's motionless while capturing a flag will wait until you run up behind it to plant C4 before the driver pushes the "S" key and kills you.
40. Just after you found a great spot to snipe from, while taking careful aim at a group of enemies, you'll be knifed from behind.
41. After taking a few well-aimed shots at an enemy, he'll spin around and kill you with a single shot from his MP5.
42. You must be the fattest person in the Army as you can't fit through a three-foot wide gap between the bamboo.
43. After throwing a pack of C4 on top of a smoking tank, and pulling out the detonator, the remaining C4 (in your bag) will magically explode...every time.
44. If you're taking a flag alone in a tank, the one enemy that manages to spawn in time will be a "Special Operations".
45. If you're capturing a flag, and once it goes neutral, you'll hear artilley guns firing in the distance and you'll run like Hell, only to realize it was firing else where, giving the enemy time to take the flag back.
46. If you need tank support, drop a mine on the ground and a friendly tank will show up in no time...
47. If you respawn as an "Anti-Tank", the tank will have either dissapeared or magically spawned many enemies who know where you've spawned.
48. When in need of medical aid, call for a supply drop, the crate will be there in no time to crush you to death, thus ending your need for medical aid.
49. Asking the Commander for ammo means he'll send an artilley strike with the assumption that you'll catch them and throw them at the enemy.
50. In a game in progress, you will die in the first five seconds the first five times.
51. On week-ends when there is an entire team who can't survive for more than a minute in armor, and when they have a single spawn point left, they'll stay at least one hundred meters away from the flag with out making real effort to capture additional flags.
52. You girl friend or Wife will always bother you when you're on a killing spree.
54. A full server is always shown as 48/64 or 55/64...
55. If you have 99% of all the requirements for an "Expert Badge" in a round, you'll be kicked for a reserved slot...
56. If you're on a killing streak, your ATI Radeon X850 on your harcore gaming computer will decrease to two frames per second until you die, then run like a dream.
57. If you want to be on a specific team, you'll always be on the opposite team, with one CP left, and outnumbered by the team you wanted to be one.
58. When surprising an easy target, you'll shoot two bullets and then hear a "click" as your mag' runs out. The enemy will turn around and shoot you dead.
59. When you make a mistake and get killed by a squad of the opposing team, a friendly medic will rush out to revive you just before you're safely back at the main base. The medic gets two revive points, the enemy gets four more kill points, and you have to wait another fifteen seconds.
60. If you're an "Engineer" and you're trying to switch weapons in a rushed battle, you'll default to your trusty wrench, and look like a "noob" offering to fix the enemy's machine-gun.
61. If you're a "Medic" and try to switch weapons during a rushed battle, you'll turn in to Florence Nightingale and offer the enemy a Med-Pack instead of shooting him. The enemy never accepts your generous offer and turns the other cheek in gratitude. They always shoot you.
62. Your desire to get a helicopter or a Jet is proportional to how far away you spawn from them at the "Opening Game Spawn Rush".
63. You fly an attack chopper in a genious position for the gunner to get about ten infantry kills, he'll surely use the TV-Guided Missiles and miss all the FORMERLY stationary targets who are now jumping in to every vehicle and ground defense weapon they can find to hunt you down.
64. You've got the best sniper position on the map, booby-trapped with Claymores. Within a minute, a friendly chopper will make a ground flight and activate your Claymores. For sure you'll only notive it when you feel a knife driving right in to your kneck.
65. Right when you join a server, it only has a few tickets left and it's on the last round. Just as you select your kit, it ends and you have to wait another four minutes to load up the next map. What a waste of time.
66. When firing at an enemy with the L85A1 on auto, the bullets will form a perfect silhouette of the enemy with out actually touching him.
67. You'll spend ten minutes sneaking up on an enemy base only to be killed by a spawning enemy.
68. If you're MEC in Karkand, 85% of your deaths will come from the M203 (American Grenade Launcher). The rest splits up in tanks, APCs, and your own team.
69. You get repeatedly spawn killed by a person in a tank and scream out loud: "TANK sleeper!", then the next thing you know, you'll spend the rest of the map in a tank.
70. Right when you're about to spawn on your Squad Leader, he dies.
71. When you're about to hop in a car with a buddy, he decides it'll be fun to take off with out you.
72. When you download a new patch, you'll have things that say: "CD Key is Invalid" or "Can't Find Account"...
73. As an "Engineer", you'll hop out of your almost-destroyed tank and start repairing it only to have a team-mate hop in it and run in to a tree and explode.
74. It doesn't matter what you lock your Stinger Missile or IGLA on to, the missile will go after any thing in the sky it d**n well feels like. This includes the Sun, small birds, and friendly transport choppers with no less than three passengers.
75. The pinnacle of aviation technology may not help a bomb hit its target, but that's more than made up for the MIRACLE of the Invisible Ground Support Crew who jump up, latch on to your Jet, repair your complex machine, and load you with a new set of bombs all within the three seconds you spend flying over the runway.
76. You'll find your self screaming at your team-mates: "Shoot the ENEMY vehicles, Moron!"
77. After you've been waiting ten minutes for a Jet or chopper to spawn (mind, you're the best pilot on the server), some one else spawns, proceeds to team kill you, take the Jet/ chopper and crashes in to the nearest obstacle.
78. When you hop in to a full APC, the driver always runs over a mine.
79. That car you just jumped in to...is a rolling bomb with a kamikaze driver and C4 all over the hood... RAM! BOOM! D'OH!
80. You're in a Black Hawk with five squad-mates and one non squad-mate...who just bailed...
81. When you're very angry in a Jet and decide to go kamikaze on the nearest tank...the tank ALWAYS wins.
82. You're a "Medic". You've run two hundred meters, you wonder if running with your knife out makes you run faster (think Medal of Honor). You spot some enemies real close. You get out your nice "Medic" unlock, the L85A1. You press "3" twice accidentally with out noticing. Jam your finger on the mouse. Bang! *Pause* Bang! *Pause* *Dead*
83. When you're trying to get a certain award that requires fifty points, the round will end when you have fourty-nine.
84. When going after a flag, you throw a Grenade near the flag (over a wall in some cases). After it explodes, you run to capture it. Just then a team-mate decided he'd copy you and throw the Grenade as you're getting the flag...
85. You take out your C4, throw it on a tank, right click as the tank turns to shoot you, all your C4 pops-out and THEN comes the switch... BOOM! You die, along with all your team-mates around you (and they all punished).
86. The helicopter you're in takes off, flips over, and blows up on the run way. Wow! A whole five seconds of flight! Woo! *Smack*
87. When a tank is in a closed in area, you'll run out as a "Special Operations", place your C4, run out of the blast radius and press the button. Unfortunetely, at least one other person had the same idea, and decided that your two C4 weren't enough, or were not properly positioned... So you team kill and he punishes...
88. When all people are waiting to get a Black Hawk, and only 6 out of 12 get in, some one just has to throw a temper and blow some one's head off to get in...that head is always yours.
89. If you plant a Claymore, and a team-mate is running by, he'll stop, look down at the Claymore...pause for about five seconds, then run over it. You're then punished 0.0003 seconds later.
90. In the U.S. Army, it is custom to blow the head off a gunner so they can get in and "make sure the gun is working right".
91. "Support" troops are actually super genetically enhanced super men able to carry a knife, PKM (M229 SAW), infinite ammo bags, and at least eight clips of ammo for them selves and still out run an APC going up a hill.
92. You can fix a burning engine by rubbing the wheel with a wrench.
93. Destroyed artillery suddenly becomes new, shiny, and fully operational by rubbing it with the same magical wrench.
94. C4 is flammable and explosive but mysteriously manages to stay intact even while inside a fired up Jet engine.
95. Apparently, the U.S.M.C. is racist, leaving all the dirty jobs such as "Assault", "Support", or "Anti-Tank" to the poor black folk just trying to make a living while all the choice and clean up jobs, "Sniper", "Special Operations", "Medic", and "Engineer" are done by the evil whities.
96. The "Engineer" hates every one.
97. Commanders have access to high-tech satellite and UAV software, plus radio equipment for artillery and supply drops in the back of the MEC van down by the river.
98. "I can't figure out how to use the UAV because I can't find the door in to the UAV trailer."
99. Within thirty-four seconds of a newly elected Commander, some player will start a mutiny.
100. All anti-air weaponry is usless, your Pistol has a better chance of bringing them down.
101. You may be dead, but the fifteen "Medic"s around you won't help.
102. Artillery strikes are only used for killing your own team.
103. If the tanks don't get you, your team-mate with the C4 will.
104. Falling off a d**n won't kill you but falling two feet off a ladder will.
105. Punishing solves every thing.
106. The pistol is always mightier than the machine-gun.
107. Machine-guns fire AROUND your enemies.
108. RPGs work better on troops.
109. You run in to a CP full of enemies, M203 in hand, and when you finally managed to kill them all, your Commander's artillery hits you in a vain attempt to kill the bodies lying limp around you.
110. A red skull and crossbones has a magnetic attraction...none can resist, none can forgive.
111. You spawn as a "Special Operations" and procceed to CLEARLY throw C4 on an empty jeep as to cause some explosive mayhem... And then some random team-mate decides that he'll jump in the jeep, take off with out you, blow up because he hit some stationary object, then finish it all off with a punishment!
112. You'll wait for a Jet only to have some one snipe you and take it from you.
113. It'll take you ten rounds to kill an enemy, but only take one round from the same round of ammo to kill a friendly with the same gun by accident.
114. No matter how far you fall with out a parachute, hitting water will always save you.
115. You always get a lag spike at the worst possible sutuation.
116. That guy sitting in the AA has a special alien force field, so that explosions from your chopper don't damage him from two feet away.
117. When there's a specific vehicle you need, some one is sitting in the driver's seat a.f.k.
118. When you go ten minutes out of your way in a boat to drive miles away from land as not to be seen by the people on the shore, just when you're furthest away from land, an enemy Jet will spot you and take you out.
119. Even after being hit in the chest by a .50 cal' bullet, you'll still be able to sprint and run for any distance, and swim for as long as you want.
120. Through Grenades, C4 blasts, tank shells, missile explosions, artillery strikes, and inept or careless pilots, buildings, trees, and sand bags will still stand strong and proud in the wind.
121. Your Squad Members will always think their individual plans are better than yours.
122. A satellite antenna has the same (possibly more) armor plating than a tank.
123. The MEC doesn't need ground transports 'cause they got such a good deal on a bunch of used minivans.
124. Worldwide, soldiers aren't trained in defensive tactics, they only know how to charge the enemy.
125. After a few minutes of asking an unresponsive Commander for a badly needed supply drop, you're killed. And after you respawn at the main base, you hear: "Affirmative, supplies are airdropping now."
126. " I've also noticed that when I try to sneak a cigarette in during the long drives or the rare quite moments, something crazy happens and I drop the ashes on my shirt, knock the mouse around and all hell breaks loose on the desk. Other critical moments either the cat jumps in front of the monitor or Norton reminds me to update my subscription before it expires."
127. Just when you've gotten used to all the errors and bugs and made your peace with it, EA releases another patch which screws it up once more.
2. The probability of killing some one is inversely proportional to how much you want to kill him.
3. For every good thing done, some thing bad happens.
4. If you see a bunch of easy targets in front of you, you will miss all of them and die.
5. You have a better chance of throwing a handfull of sniper rifle bullets and killing the enemy than shooting them at him and killing him.
6. For every one enemy you kill with mines, you'll kill two friendlies and they'll both punish for the team kill.
7. Idiots have a unique pheromone receptor which can sense a friendly artillery strike. Once initiated, they'll run to the center of the strike like moths to a flame, thrust their noses in to the air and place their finger on the "Page Down" button ready for the climax!
8. Thou shalt always respawn in to an artillery strike or a massive unfriendly assault and die before you can do any thing.
9. A dune buggy slowly slipping down a gentle slope is the most brutal and deadly thing in the game if you're standing in its path.
10. When fleeing from an enemy, you'll be shot to death just inches from cover.
11. When you're a gunner in an attack helicopter, chances are you'll get the worst pilot you can think of.
12. When you have no money, chances are your joystick will go funny.
13. If some one with an AK-101 happens to glance at you, you will instantly die of fear.
14. No matter what weapon you carry, it'll take over half a magazine to attempt to kill the guy that took you out with a three round burst or less.
15. Holding down the right mouse button when throwing a Grenade changes the throw length from feet to inches.
16. Even with the dexterity to balance the blade of his knife on his finger, a soldier will constantly miss when lunging to stab a stationary enemy.
17. Some how, a man can take a .50 caliber sniper round to the chest WITH OUT DYING.
18. Your Pistol is a much better sniper rifle than your .50 cal' rifle.
19. A crescent wrench can fix any thing.
20. You can raise a flag in a tank.
21. Seconds before you get your hard earned "Flag-Capture" point, an enemy will pop-up and kill you, giving the "Capture" point to your team-mate.
22. After shooting an enemy tank to low armor with your APC, your gun will over heat and a team-mate will grab the kill leaving you with not even a "Kill-Assist".
23. You will never be able to swim away fast enough from an accidentally drowned jeep.
24. Claymores will only kill foolish team-mates.
25. If you want an enemy to abandon an armored vehicle, run at it from the rear and let them see you doing it, they'll jump out.
26. No matter what, dephibulators cure ALL!
27. The pinnacle of aviation technology can't help a bomb hit it's target.
28. All vehicles have electrical armor plating, as when you touch it, you're dead.
29. The more you press the "9" key to deploy your parachute, the less likely it will deploy.
30. You spawn right next to an enemy tank.
31. If you want to be a sniper, you should choose the "Anti-Tank" class.
32. Just as you detonate the C4 on the UAV trailer, two or three team-mates will drive up right next to the detonation site.
33. Now matter how much you shoot a guy parachuting down, he'll never take any damage. And, when he gets down, you're out of ammo and he kills you.
34. You're kill right after a ten minute run to an enemy flag, right before you reach it.
35. Water is extremely flammable and will cause vehicles to explode.
36. If you're in a squad and all of you run in to a single enemy, YOU will die first.
37. A man with a handful of wheat will hit the enemy more with the M229 SAW.
38. Spawning is more like a race to the attack chopper or Jets.
39. A tank that's motionless while capturing a flag will wait until you run up behind it to plant C4 before the driver pushes the "S" key and kills you.
40. Just after you found a great spot to snipe from, while taking careful aim at a group of enemies, you'll be knifed from behind.
41. After taking a few well-aimed shots at an enemy, he'll spin around and kill you with a single shot from his MP5.
42. You must be the fattest person in the Army as you can't fit through a three-foot wide gap between the bamboo.
43. After throwing a pack of C4 on top of a smoking tank, and pulling out the detonator, the remaining C4 (in your bag) will magically explode...every time.
44. If you're taking a flag alone in a tank, the one enemy that manages to spawn in time will be a "Special Operations".
45. If you're capturing a flag, and once it goes neutral, you'll hear artilley guns firing in the distance and you'll run like Hell, only to realize it was firing else where, giving the enemy time to take the flag back.
46. If you need tank support, drop a mine on the ground and a friendly tank will show up in no time...
47. If you respawn as an "Anti-Tank", the tank will have either dissapeared or magically spawned many enemies who know where you've spawned.
48. When in need of medical aid, call for a supply drop, the crate will be there in no time to crush you to death, thus ending your need for medical aid.
49. Asking the Commander for ammo means he'll send an artilley strike with the assumption that you'll catch them and throw them at the enemy.
50. In a game in progress, you will die in the first five seconds the first five times.
51. On week-ends when there is an entire team who can't survive for more than a minute in armor, and when they have a single spawn point left, they'll stay at least one hundred meters away from the flag with out making real effort to capture additional flags.
52. You girl friend or Wife will always bother you when you're on a killing spree.
54. A full server is always shown as 48/64 or 55/64...
55. If you have 99% of all the requirements for an "Expert Badge" in a round, you'll be kicked for a reserved slot...
56. If you're on a killing streak, your ATI Radeon X850 on your harcore gaming computer will decrease to two frames per second until you die, then run like a dream.
57. If you want to be on a specific team, you'll always be on the opposite team, with one CP left, and outnumbered by the team you wanted to be one.
58. When surprising an easy target, you'll shoot two bullets and then hear a "click" as your mag' runs out. The enemy will turn around and shoot you dead.
59. When you make a mistake and get killed by a squad of the opposing team, a friendly medic will rush out to revive you just before you're safely back at the main base. The medic gets two revive points, the enemy gets four more kill points, and you have to wait another fifteen seconds.
60. If you're an "Engineer" and you're trying to switch weapons in a rushed battle, you'll default to your trusty wrench, and look like a "noob" offering to fix the enemy's machine-gun.
61. If you're a "Medic" and try to switch weapons during a rushed battle, you'll turn in to Florence Nightingale and offer the enemy a Med-Pack instead of shooting him. The enemy never accepts your generous offer and turns the other cheek in gratitude. They always shoot you.
62. Your desire to get a helicopter or a Jet is proportional to how far away you spawn from them at the "Opening Game Spawn Rush".
63. You fly an attack chopper in a genious position for the gunner to get about ten infantry kills, he'll surely use the TV-Guided Missiles and miss all the FORMERLY stationary targets who are now jumping in to every vehicle and ground defense weapon they can find to hunt you down.
64. You've got the best sniper position on the map, booby-trapped with Claymores. Within a minute, a friendly chopper will make a ground flight and activate your Claymores. For sure you'll only notive it when you feel a knife driving right in to your kneck.
65. Right when you join a server, it only has a few tickets left and it's on the last round. Just as you select your kit, it ends and you have to wait another four minutes to load up the next map. What a waste of time.
66. When firing at an enemy with the L85A1 on auto, the bullets will form a perfect silhouette of the enemy with out actually touching him.
67. You'll spend ten minutes sneaking up on an enemy base only to be killed by a spawning enemy.
68. If you're MEC in Karkand, 85% of your deaths will come from the M203 (American Grenade Launcher). The rest splits up in tanks, APCs, and your own team.
69. You get repeatedly spawn killed by a person in a tank and scream out loud: "TANK sleeper!", then the next thing you know, you'll spend the rest of the map in a tank.
70. Right when you're about to spawn on your Squad Leader, he dies.
71. When you're about to hop in a car with a buddy, he decides it'll be fun to take off with out you.
72. When you download a new patch, you'll have things that say: "CD Key is Invalid" or "Can't Find Account"...
73. As an "Engineer", you'll hop out of your almost-destroyed tank and start repairing it only to have a team-mate hop in it and run in to a tree and explode.
74. It doesn't matter what you lock your Stinger Missile or IGLA on to, the missile will go after any thing in the sky it d**n well feels like. This includes the Sun, small birds, and friendly transport choppers with no less than three passengers.
75. The pinnacle of aviation technology may not help a bomb hit its target, but that's more than made up for the MIRACLE of the Invisible Ground Support Crew who jump up, latch on to your Jet, repair your complex machine, and load you with a new set of bombs all within the three seconds you spend flying over the runway.
76. You'll find your self screaming at your team-mates: "Shoot the ENEMY vehicles, Moron!"
77. After you've been waiting ten minutes for a Jet or chopper to spawn (mind, you're the best pilot on the server), some one else spawns, proceeds to team kill you, take the Jet/ chopper and crashes in to the nearest obstacle.
78. When you hop in to a full APC, the driver always runs over a mine.
79. That car you just jumped in to...is a rolling bomb with a kamikaze driver and C4 all over the hood... RAM! BOOM! D'OH!
80. You're in a Black Hawk with five squad-mates and one non squad-mate...who just bailed...
81. When you're very angry in a Jet and decide to go kamikaze on the nearest tank...the tank ALWAYS wins.
82. You're a "Medic". You've run two hundred meters, you wonder if running with your knife out makes you run faster (think Medal of Honor). You spot some enemies real close. You get out your nice "Medic" unlock, the L85A1. You press "3" twice accidentally with out noticing. Jam your finger on the mouse. Bang! *Pause* Bang! *Pause* *Dead*
83. When you're trying to get a certain award that requires fifty points, the round will end when you have fourty-nine.
84. When going after a flag, you throw a Grenade near the flag (over a wall in some cases). After it explodes, you run to capture it. Just then a team-mate decided he'd copy you and throw the Grenade as you're getting the flag...
85. You take out your C4, throw it on a tank, right click as the tank turns to shoot you, all your C4 pops-out and THEN comes the switch... BOOM! You die, along with all your team-mates around you (and they all punished).
86. The helicopter you're in takes off, flips over, and blows up on the run way. Wow! A whole five seconds of flight! Woo! *Smack*
87. When a tank is in a closed in area, you'll run out as a "Special Operations", place your C4, run out of the blast radius and press the button. Unfortunetely, at least one other person had the same idea, and decided that your two C4 weren't enough, or were not properly positioned... So you team kill and he punishes...
88. When all people are waiting to get a Black Hawk, and only 6 out of 12 get in, some one just has to throw a temper and blow some one's head off to get in...that head is always yours.
89. If you plant a Claymore, and a team-mate is running by, he'll stop, look down at the Claymore...pause for about five seconds, then run over it. You're then punished 0.0003 seconds later.
90. In the U.S. Army, it is custom to blow the head off a gunner so they can get in and "make sure the gun is working right".
91. "Support" troops are actually super genetically enhanced super men able to carry a knife, PKM (M229 SAW), infinite ammo bags, and at least eight clips of ammo for them selves and still out run an APC going up a hill.
92. You can fix a burning engine by rubbing the wheel with a wrench.
93. Destroyed artillery suddenly becomes new, shiny, and fully operational by rubbing it with the same magical wrench.
94. C4 is flammable and explosive but mysteriously manages to stay intact even while inside a fired up Jet engine.
95. Apparently, the U.S.M.C. is racist, leaving all the dirty jobs such as "Assault", "Support", or "Anti-Tank" to the poor black folk just trying to make a living while all the choice and clean up jobs, "Sniper", "Special Operations", "Medic", and "Engineer" are done by the evil whities.
96. The "Engineer" hates every one.
97. Commanders have access to high-tech satellite and UAV software, plus radio equipment for artillery and supply drops in the back of the MEC van down by the river.
98. "I can't figure out how to use the UAV because I can't find the door in to the UAV trailer."
99. Within thirty-four seconds of a newly elected Commander, some player will start a mutiny.
100. All anti-air weaponry is usless, your Pistol has a better chance of bringing them down.
101. You may be dead, but the fifteen "Medic"s around you won't help.
102. Artillery strikes are only used for killing your own team.
103. If the tanks don't get you, your team-mate with the C4 will.
104. Falling off a d**n won't kill you but falling two feet off a ladder will.
105. Punishing solves every thing.
106. The pistol is always mightier than the machine-gun.
107. Machine-guns fire AROUND your enemies.
108. RPGs work better on troops.
109. You run in to a CP full of enemies, M203 in hand, and when you finally managed to kill them all, your Commander's artillery hits you in a vain attempt to kill the bodies lying limp around you.
110. A red skull and crossbones has a magnetic attraction...none can resist, none can forgive.
111. You spawn as a "Special Operations" and procceed to CLEARLY throw C4 on an empty jeep as to cause some explosive mayhem... And then some random team-mate decides that he'll jump in the jeep, take off with out you, blow up because he hit some stationary object, then finish it all off with a punishment!
112. You'll wait for a Jet only to have some one snipe you and take it from you.
113. It'll take you ten rounds to kill an enemy, but only take one round from the same round of ammo to kill a friendly with the same gun by accident.
114. No matter how far you fall with out a parachute, hitting water will always save you.
115. You always get a lag spike at the worst possible sutuation.
116. That guy sitting in the AA has a special alien force field, so that explosions from your chopper don't damage him from two feet away.
117. When there's a specific vehicle you need, some one is sitting in the driver's seat a.f.k.
118. When you go ten minutes out of your way in a boat to drive miles away from land as not to be seen by the people on the shore, just when you're furthest away from land, an enemy Jet will spot you and take you out.
119. Even after being hit in the chest by a .50 cal' bullet, you'll still be able to sprint and run for any distance, and swim for as long as you want.
120. Through Grenades, C4 blasts, tank shells, missile explosions, artillery strikes, and inept or careless pilots, buildings, trees, and sand bags will still stand strong and proud in the wind.
121. Your Squad Members will always think their individual plans are better than yours.
122. A satellite antenna has the same (possibly more) armor plating than a tank.
123. The MEC doesn't need ground transports 'cause they got such a good deal on a bunch of used minivans.
124. Worldwide, soldiers aren't trained in defensive tactics, they only know how to charge the enemy.
125. After a few minutes of asking an unresponsive Commander for a badly needed supply drop, you're killed. And after you respawn at the main base, you hear: "Affirmative, supplies are airdropping now."
126. " I've also noticed that when I try to sneak a cigarette in during the long drives or the rare quite moments, something crazy happens and I drop the ashes on my shirt, knock the mouse around and all hell breaks loose on the desk. Other critical moments either the cat jumps in front of the monitor or Norton reminds me to update my subscription before it expires."
127. Just when you've gotten used to all the errors and bugs and made your peace with it, EA releases another patch which screws it up once more.